Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
