My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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