Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
