Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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