i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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