It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
