I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
