yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
