I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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