We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was like giving head to a cactus.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
