he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
