dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
