So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
