mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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