Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
