Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
