Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
