I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
