I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
