My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
