i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
