is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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