I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
