I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
