Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
