Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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