6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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