Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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