I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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