I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
