I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
