I just saw a hot homeless man
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
