Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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