Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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