Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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