we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
