I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this will be a night to untag.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
