is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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