I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
