You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
