He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
