yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize