You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Someone came in the potted fern
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
