I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
