If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
