you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
