u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
