You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
