It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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