the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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