I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
