Life is so much better after having sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize