I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
