Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
