My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
