OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
