I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
