Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize