I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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