If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
