WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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