did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
