i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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